


If I die

by fairytalevillain



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3634140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytalevillain/pseuds/fairytalevillain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin opened his mouth, but a lump in his throat made it impossible to speak. He tried to let logic and reason guide his thoughts and actions, yet he was sitting here, his heart pounding in his chest, and all he cared about was Levi, who was so close to him, but looked down, eyebrows drawn together.</p>
<p>Romance is not easy if you could die anytime soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I die

**Author's Note:**

> I was sad, so I wrote some old men being in love to cheer me up. That's when you know you're in to deep.  
> Enjoy this little story!

They were standing on top of the wall, looking over the seemingly quiet green land as the sun went down. Levi was watching the birds fly and Erwin – was watching him. It had been Levi’s idea to walk on the wall. Once you tasted freedom, you could never get enough.

“We’re going to go out there soon,” Erwin said.

“Yeah,” Levi responded in a distant tone as if he didn’t listen to Erwin. “Soon,” he whispered, his eyes searching for something far away. Levi’s expression was serious, apparently deep in thought while the wind brushed through his hair, lightly, like the fingers of a lover.

Erwin desperately wanted to touch him, but he didn’t dare to do it when anybody could see them. They just stood there as the sun disappeared. After a while they left the wall, Levi walking in front, Erwin following him.

But Erwin’s day wasn’t over yet. He spend an entire hour in his office before his quarters where he found Levi waiting for him. He sat on the bed, cleaning his boots, but when he heard Erwin entering the room he dropped his shoe and stood, reaching up to Erwin who leaned down and closed his arms around Levi’s waist. Their lips met halfway.

Nothing, Erwin thought had ever felt better than kissing Levi. Well, except for…

Levi grabbed Erwin’s collar to pull him closer while stepping back, and so they sank on the bed, Erwin covering Levi’s small body completely with his own. Their mouths were hot on each other, hungry from waiting all day long. Erwin shifted, holding himself up with his right arm while he untangled the corporal’s cravat. He tossed that ugly thing away and moved his hand up again to unbutton Levi’s shirt.

But Levi stopped him, pushing away Erwin’s hand and turning his head to escape from the kiss. Their lips parted.

“Wait,” Levi whispered, his voice uncertain.

Erwin frowned. “Is something wrong?”

Levi turned his head to face Erwin again, black strands of hair falling on the sheets. “You know it’s… it’s not that easy for me…” He bit his lip.

Erwin rolled to the side and pushed himself up. “It’s okay,” he said. Levi wasn’t good at expressing himself with words, he rather let his actions speak. Sometimes he cleaned Erwin’s office just like his own, he ripped paperwork out of Erwin’s hands and threatened to tie him to the bed if he refused to go to sleep (the commander once made the mistake to comment on that with a smirk – a punch in the stomach shut his mouth pretty fast). And sometimes he let Erwin kiss his hands or his forehead or even his nose without calling him a “perverted old prick”, his features softer than usual, the look in his eyes tender.

Levi sat up next to him. “Look – it’s just… shit. Maybe this,” he gestured between him and Erwin. “Is gonna make things worse. Harder.” After a moment of silence he added, “More painful.”

Erwin opened his mouth, but a lump in his throat made it impossible to speak. He tried to let logic and reason guide his thoughts and actions, yet he was sitting here, his heart pounding in his chest, and all he cared about was Levi, who was so close to him, but looked down, eyebrows drawn together. Erwin wanted to kiss him, make him smile one of his rare but beautiful smiles. _Sentiment._ Even a commander couldn’t escape his heart.

“I mean,” Levi continued, struggling with every word “It’s terrible enough to lose a comrade. Or your fr… But this. I never had someone like you. I never lost someone like you. And I don’t want to lose… such a person either.”

He looked up again, his cloud-gray eyes meeting Erwin’s gaze. Erwin took Levi’s face in his hands, leaning in so their foreheads touched. Levi closed his eyes. For several moments, they were just sitting there, breathing, their hearts beating, and Erwin was trying, trying so hard to find the right words to explain what he felt, to console Levi and maybe also to reassure himself. He was used to convincing people of new military strategies, but this was different.

“I think it’s worth it,” he finally said.

Levi opened his eyes and gently pulled down Erwin’s hands, his face expressing something between confusion and doubt. “What the fuck do you mean?” he asked, cussing out of habit, not because of anger.

“The pain of losing you,” Erwin answered, his voice low, “the grief I would feel, it’s nothing compared to the happiness of being with you. And I would rather live a lifetime being tormented by memories than living without these memories at all. I want to spend every spare minute I have with you, Levi. I never dared to dream of this, of what we have. And now there’s you and this is worth the pain it could cause.” They fell silent again, Erwin watching Levi, whose face was still in a frown.

“So you think I’m worth it? You’re such an optimist, old man.”

“I try to be,” Erwin responded, smiling. He kissed Levi on the cheek. “It’s too early to mourn our deaths.”

“You’re right… You’re always right. And I – I also think you’re worth it. I don’t deserve you, any of this, but I won’t waste this. Maybe one day the titans will eat us, but before that…” he grabbed Erwin’s shirt and pulled him into a kiss. Erwin pushed him back on the bed and here they were, where they had started… Just that now it felt different. Raw, open. They had torn down their defense, the walls that they had built to protect them from being hurt. Now there was no going back, but Erwin didn’t want to – and neither did Levi.

He pulled back from the kiss to whisper, “Promise you won’t die, you gorgeous piece of shit?”

“I’ll try.”

“Tch. If I have to save your ass, you’re gonna pay for it.”

Erwin laughed. “I think I would enjoy that very much.”


End file.
